The Answer? The Study.

My Study

It has been a long day. I'm tired and worn from dealing with problems, wonky technology and a few church maintenance issues all day long. It is time for this pastor to unwind, relax and spend quality time with my wife and kids. The sun has set, the checklists are complete and so I simply go home, turn off the day and switch attention over from the to-do lists, my congregation and the community in the beautiful small town of Sedgwick, Kansas. I quickly move to a focused mind and heart for the first ministry God called me to; My family. Easy enough, right? Maybe not as "easy enough" as one would hope.

It isn't as simple as flipping a switch. My life and mind continue on even when the tasks are complete - for I know there are more tasks that await tomorrow. Those thoughts do not simply disappear when I step out of my office and into the front door of our home. They linger. This is a common thing with most people. I'm sure you experience it as well; Don't you? So how do we cope?

Prayer is obviously the first line of defense. So we say something along the lines of God, help me to forget the day gone-on and focus on the here and now. Amen.

How well does that work when you barely have room enough in your mind to focus on anything but the accomplished or the not accomplished, the arguments argued and the nagging sense of tomorrow forever flowing through your road-weary brain?

A half-hearted prayer is of little value if you don't really mean it.

If it were that simple I could find my peace walking from office to the parsonage that stands a mere 75 feet from the church door. Finding peace after a hard day is not as simple as throwing out a quick request for God to change your thoughts and then going right back to focusing on them. No, this is going to take some doing.

How about noise? There's an idea! Lets fill our minds with MORE noise to drown out the already deafening sounds reverberating through the endless chamber of thoughts bouncing around in the ball-pit we call our minds. So we turn on the tv or start scrolling through reels on our phone to cover up the things that have usurped so much of our day.

How well does that work for bringing your attention to your family? Exactly.

So, then I would guess that by this point in my writings you may be asking, "Well, what's the answer, Mr. Smartypants?" To which I would reply, "Wow, there is no need for name-calling. I was just getting ready to tell you."

The answer I have found is not an overabundance of noise to overcome the racket of the day(while simultaneously drowning out your family, as well) and it is not a quick half-hearted prayer that gets forgotten as soon as you pray it. The answer, my friends, is intentionality. It is the practice of intentionally emptying your mind of everything else and focusing on prayer and meditation. Now, this does not have to take forever - after all getting to our family is what we are trying to accomplish, but it does have to be intentional and quiet. Just a few minutes to readjust your mindset is all you really need.

For some that could be in the truck in your driveway. For others the laundry room or bathroom away from everyone. In the barn or shed or even a coat closet. The only prerequisites are that it must be somewhere private, quiet and without a phone, laptop or tablet.

For me it is in my study. In the parsonage there is a room that was built for this exact reason. It is appropriately titled "the Pastor's Study." This room has a lock on the door and is decorated exactly as I decorate it to make me the most calm and comfortable. These used to be commonplace among most homes. They are rooms set apart so that dad could have a quiet place to relax, gather his wits from the struggles of the day and, you guessed it, study.

When I describe this room one might be tempted to say, "I have a man-cave - its the same thing." Let me squash that - it is not the same thing. (some may not like what I have to say next) A man-cave is where men go to be kids. The man-cave is not a hall of knowledge or a place to better oneself through study and research. Agree or disagree - it is the truth.

The purpose of a study is for someone to better themselves for their family. That betterment comes from:

1)Relaxation so he does not have a bad attitude from work.

2)Spending time improving his mind to improve his family, absorb more knowledge to have a better grasp on the ups and downs of life, and finally - so that he is able to answer the questions from the mouths of his beautiful children coming at him 9000 miles an hour.

The point of a study is to be a better man. The point of a man-cave is to play.

I have no quarrels with play - I too enjoy playtime every now and again but to study is to improve your family.

This is where I get my mind right. However long it takes to get my attitude adjusted. However long it takes me to talk to the Father. However long it takes me to emotionally decompress - that is what I do and i am intentional every - single - time. Why? Because my family and I deserve it. And so do you and your family.

Dig?